Kids sniffing; the constant babble and mumbling to themselves, complaints about it. Right now I’m being ear bashed by a dry sniff that’s about two seconds long. You know the kind? The burning sniff of air sucked out into Mars’ atmosphere. It echoes off his bedroom walls, slams into the hallway walls and bounces around the lounge. My fourteen year old son has a nose that is always running. Particularly when he is in bed or sitting still. We’re close to having some sort of procedure to fix the fucking sniffing. Perhaps my finger shoved up his nostril to my second knuckle might fix it? Its driving me fucking NUTS.

He’s been subscribed a nasal spray, which he hates to use. He protests constantly about it when I suggest that just perhaps, it might stop him from sniffing his brains back down the length of his spine and into his arse? It seems that using a whining tone in a choir boys voice is much more Mum annoying and effective as he snorts and complains that it (the nasal spray) “runs” out his nose, which apparently is way more annoying for him than sniffing a fucking billion and one times. He claims “it does nothing Mum!” Or worse yet, he’ll blow his nose that fucking hard he’s lucky that his brains are actually in his fucking arse.

Yet, after two continuous days of use we are generally greeted with a non-sniffing boy, who doesn’t realise he’s not fucking sniffing… but it clearly doesn’t work. Yup!

Why is sniffing one of the most annoying sounds? It has got to be one of the most ear offensive sounds ever; well to me it’s definitely up there. The back of the throat snort that raises the dead just turns my gut. A dripping, slippery sniff that pulls down the neck as far as ones lungs every 5 seconds is enough to really fuck some ones day, particularly mine.

My kids aren’t the only sniffers, of this I know. Using public transport can be just has hazardous to my already bleeding ears. I’ve been privy to adults sniffing like 4 years olds. Wiping their green snot across sleeves, leaving a dry silvery track across their arm. The joy of it. Grown men too busy playing on their phone to blow their nose, instead, lets just sniff… sniff… sniff… sniff… sniff… for the entire thirty minute train ride. You wanker!

Anyways, he’s asleep now. Not sniffing: the serenity and no, my finger is not lodged up into his cranium. But wait, there it is… sniiiiiiiiif! He’s lucky my moccasin isn’t a direct throw from the lounge or he’d be copping a moccy forehead slap.

Make sure you turn the teapot twice clockwise and once anticlockwise!


2 thoughts on “Sniff

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