Hot Wax and Pubes

Considered a modern necessity, ripping the pubic hair from your mons pubis with hot wax would easily be the most inconvenient and painful way of keeping ones bush tamed. What is it that makes a naked labia majora attractive? We just can’t bloody wait to grow pubes as a blossoming adolescent and then all of a sudden, we are clipping, shaving and or ripping them out by the roots, aiming for what we once wore naturally. None of it makes an iota of sense.

It occurred to me the other day while spread eagle on the conveniently warmed waxing bed, one leg almost behind my head,  I really had no clue as to why I endure this ritual every four weeks. I lie, I do have some clue, that being my husband but if it wasn’t for him, honestly I probably wouldn’t do it. Yeah sure, there’s a fair amount of appeal that comes with a neat fanny, if you love fannies I guess and just on the quiet, I don’t, I think they’re hideous but what I don’t entirely get is, what’s wrong with a neat hairy fanny? Perhaps there isn’t anything wrong, but I am yet to be involved in an open conversation between friends where a bloke (or woman) says, “I love a hairy moot”… surely some do right? Somebody’s got to love the Bush.

thVGJKA8TOThe old Map of Tassie just isn’t what she used to be. It once stood strong, proud and thick up there on the pubic bone, just a little bit of a bikini trim was all it took to keep the fringe at bay. But generally she’s not even a triangle shape any more, she’s more often than not an ‘airstrip’ or some other general shape to celebrate an upcoming special occasion. Not that I have ever gone to the lengths of having the shape of a heart waxed into my mappatazzie, and I’ve never even fucking considered it, but a LOT do. Some even go to the lengths of colouring their old ginger ninja to match their upstairs curtains. I mean really, are we that vain and insecure now, that perhaps ya partner might not like odd curtains? I doubt they even care because he/she’s gettin’ some … just saying.

Not getting pubes inconveniently stuck in your teeth and the back of ones throat would probably be the only bonus with the whole Brazilian wax and hairless cat thing. This one reason for waxing makes sense entirely, besides the creeping ivy down ones legs that really needs to be mown back if you’re going out in public. Gagging is not a sexy look in the boudoir, nor is picking the pubes out of your teeth or off your tongue. Yes, yes, I just said that, you were all thinking it right?  The downside but reality is, sometimes you have your skin torn off, bleeding pores and lets not forget being burned by the hot wax. Oh wait, and I have heard that piercings can also be hazardous… Imagine one of those ripped out accidentally…

While trying to avoid the embarrassment of spreading your legs into positions that a contortionist can’t do for a random waxing lady, many women fail to the hazards of home waxing; sticking ya flaps or arse cheeks together is common practise, so too is missing chunks of pubes so you look like a sick animal, and then there’s dripping wax everywhere else but on your flaps and perhaps even giving yourself third degree burns from the over heated wax. After all that, you then have to deal with your undies getting stuck to your skin until residue wax is washed off and then the ingrown hairs start to appear a little later and they’re as itchy as all fuck.

For all the trouble it’s worth, I am beginning to wonder if it is. Hubby might have something to say about that, so for the moment I’ll keep the mane tamed but I’m not getting it shaped nor coloured.

Make sure you turn the teapot twice clockwise and once anticlockwise!

Nom

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