Women Skids


noun toi·let \ˈti-lət\

: a large bowl attached to a pipe that is used for getting rid of bodily waste and then flushed with water

: the act or process of washing and dressing yourself

Now we have that out the way I just wanna express a few thoughts on the subject.

Having a crap is something none of us can delay or avoid. It doesn’t matter who you are, laying a cable is inevitable and sometimes occurs at the most inconvenient times. We all know that.

Using a toilet that has been inconveniently used by someone else, prior to you entering the bathroom has to be the pinnacle of being on the ‘arse-end’ of inconvenient craps. Limited stalls in a communal bathroom often means using a stall that should be a quarantined area, just to bang out a pee. Inspecting a bowl before you sit is important. Skiddies sprayed around the bowl resembling something like what six ducks would leave behind had they been sitting on the rim of the bowl and dropping a load down the side. How do people, particularly WOMEN, get shit in these areas of the bowl without spraying their arse cheeks with their own feces? Surely you know you’re sitting all cock-eyed with one leg crossed or something to enable you to hit the rim of a porcelain bus with excrement? And, whats with fucking leaving the shit there? How hard is it to use the brush BESIDE THE FUCKING TOILET to clean your arse-bomb-mess up?

Sitting in a stench that you can chew on is bad enough, whilst holding your breath with your jumper pulled over your nose and mouth for double ‘protection’ – yeah don’t bust my false sense of security there – let alone while washing your hands after your pee as someone else enters the bathroom and is confronted by the smell you’re chewing on… AWKS! “It’s not mine, I swear” is plastered across your face as your darting eyes avoid contact with the other party through the mirrors. Holding your breath only makes your facial expressions more exaggerated and guilty looking, and looking guilty is actually better than breathing in that fecal air. Lesser of two evils wins hands down while the entire building complex has decided to have a pee while you’re looking guilty of chewing on poo stink!

I thought that working along side 12 male truck drivers with just the one toilet was bad. Some days at the depot was pretty surreal and the angles of skiddies in that bowl were pretty incredible… but I was wrong… dead-animal arse-stink wrong. The building complex I now work in has a female communal bathroom with two stalls. You would think the words female and office to be security enough to believe that it would be relatively clean, yes? Uh UH!! Nope, it’s the bloody worst. What the hell are these women eating? Daily you will be confronted with a skiddy that runs the length of the bowl, and if you’re lucky enough, you might even get a skiddy with sixteen skiddy mates who are sprayed around the entire bowl. Really skiddies are harmless right? It’s the smell that gets trapped in the bathroom the size of a pantry that you can’t swing a cat in that frightens me. Why is there no industrial extraction fan? Or even a can of Glen20?

Today, just 30 minutes after I had been to pee and admittedly they were spotless when I was in there, (of course lol) my colleague used the bathroom to find old Henry the Skidburger laid out fresh in the toilet. In that 30 minutes, some chick has been in there and dropped a cable leaving her mess. I just really don’t understand it. Can someone please explain it to me? Why don’t they brush after they flush, and then flush again? Just plain old fucking lazy or perhaps a form of denial, like a conscious thought “that’s not mine, I wouldn’t do that”. Either way, Andy, It wasn’t me! Ha ha!!


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