I’m not sure if anyone took any pictures on Easter Sunday? Easter Bunny did visit though and an Easter Egg hunt was had. But while all that blur was whirring around me I know I didn’t take one. I’m sorry for that. I am sorry for the dark nature of this post and the one preceding it. It should have been a happy one on Easter Sunday.

I was reeling from the living nightmare going on around me, around my family, around my beautiful friends living it with us. Watching my husband and his guilt consume him, and feeling the guilt consume me too. Watching our children trying to process it all… the worst.

The anger for being in the boat and then the not being in the boat, the sadness, heavy foreboding guilt and the loss of a happy soul, gut wrenching grief and pain not just emotional but physical too with sore eyes and aching hearts.

The reality of it setting in that I would never see my Gussy boy again.

His empty bed and the smell of him on his blanket.