Gosh, it’s been so long since I blogged. The 18th of October to be exact. Sorry to those who read and then wait for the next one… it’s been too long and perhaps a reason why this blog is about reflections?
Most of us reflect in the New Year. I know I do. Mostly while I am sitting beside the river in the ‘quiet’, on my chair with the loud whistling songs of the cicaders around me. It’s the only time I truly stop and recharge. I’m grateful for that time. I also reflect after a few too many drinks, because as they say, alcohol speaks the truth, yeah? It allows the mind to relax and stop processing, and it inhibits the thoughts that hold you back, or that mask the true scenario… particularly a few scenarios and situations that I should never have allowed myself to endure of late.
The end of 2016 was feral. It was such a whirlwind of activity, and deadlines, over spending, over eating and drinking, working stupid hours and attending social events that filled each and every day in the lead up to the ever oppressive Christmas and New Year stampede of emotion. I found myself asking… “why do we do it, why do I do it, and how can I make it easier?” So this is what I found.
Over the build up to Christmas and my time up the river, I’ve accepted that where I have been focusing some of my attention regarding my worries and my cares or my duties, may not necessarily be where I should be focusing. My expectations of others, more often than I want to admit, doesn’t align with what is actually manifested by some people in my life. That’s okay though. We aren’t all meant to align completely I guess, are we? Accepting that you no longer have the trump card in your hand, and it’s now just another card in the deck, so to speak, is humbling. While for me this has been a long time coming, it has been a relatively easy shift of energy and it is so fucking refreshing knowing that I have owned it now. It’s a release welcomed. There will be people in my life who will continue to expect the same reactions and results from me, but sadly for them, it’s wasted.
I’ve agreed with myself to focus on those who show an interest in me, in my husband, in my children and anyone else in my inner circle, and that circle is becoming smaller by the month. I will no longer chase, or make the effort if it’s not going to be reciprocated. I think this is fair. More than fair. I’ve wasted so many brain and heart cells trying to figure out where I stand with people, and I’m done with wasting my valuable energy and being. I’m 41 now, and you would think by now I would have worked out my place in this world, and I thought I had, but it’s forever shifting and morphing, and people keep changing and their values and morals change, and their agendas become more obvious and disgusting, and I just can’t keep that crap in my life. It’s toxic. So toodles to you with the wiggle of my fingers. My self worth outweighs any toxic energies that think deserve to be in my life. It was reaffirmed with the direct actions of late and I’m sure that distancing myself a while back was the right thing to do.
This is a little off subject now, but it directly affects my mind state: 2017 is the year of Helping Each Other in our home. I created a list of suggestions to assist our home in being efficient and warm. Not stressed, and certainly not unwelcoming. The lists are stuck to the kids bedrooms walls. Our family dynamic has changed in the last six months. The kids are now teens with their own personalities and they have drives and dreams or perhaps just ideas for their futures. One has a job and now school is ramping up, where grades will matter more and the stress will amplify. So in preparation for this, I kind of thought that we need to fine tune our home life to make it more livable, and calm and that we all have some responsibility to adhere to. I want our home to be a place that oozes comfort. That’s not to say that our home isn’t already this, but I have to admit, things got out of control in the latter half of the year. It’s not a good vibe when things are rushed, and cluttered. Your surrounding always reflect your minds state. This is exactly where my mind was… cluttered and rushed and full of people and things that shouldn’t be there. So I’m calling on my home to help me to help them. It’s working, for now.
Given that I have made that conscious decision to redirect my valuable attention and worth, I’m probably not going to notice some people fall of the edge of my Earth. My energy this year is to be the cleanest and clearest it can be, and I want to surround myself with the best energy I know and love… From here, it should be simple with some road humps I suspect, but for the most part I hope that if you’re reading this blog, that you’re part of that, so make the effort, please? For me, for you and for us.
So we come back to the question “why do we do it, and how can I make it easier?” Well my evaluation and maybe solution is to prioritize, redirect, take control and reassess where you’re at on every form of your life including health, family, work and social. Stop saying yes because you think you should. Start being accountable for your own mental health and well being. Say no if it’s detrimental to your mental state. Say no if you just don’t want to. Do make the effort to love those who love you, tell them, show them, make them feel it because they don’t fucking know if you don’t show them!
Make sure you turn the teapot twice clockwise and once anticlockwise!